nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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