im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
