as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize