I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
