Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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