so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
