New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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