the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
