guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
