Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
