in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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