Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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