dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
