He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
