I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
