some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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