grandma shit on top of the toilet
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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