i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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