Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
