So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
