Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
