got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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