You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
