We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
