I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
