Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
