Her vagina should come with caution tape.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
