"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
