Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
