also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
