i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
