oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
