Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
