i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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