well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
