Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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