I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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