I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
