His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
