did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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