Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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