I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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