i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
