He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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