Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
