Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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