Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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