I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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