I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
