she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
