I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
