My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
