Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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